My extreme contempt for my program is that *so* that I keep thinking that being part of the employment world has to be better than school, so it's always sobering to go to Sarah's blog and remember that work can suck just as badly. Gah, Sarah, they better not be killing you there! Hang in there, the weekend is coming up fast (and not a moment too soon.) I'll buy you ice cream in Ottawa!
AWWWW!!! Poor cricket. He must sound so sad from the plumbing. I hope you find a way to get him out. And I can't blame the other cricket for jumping back at you. I'd jump back at you if I was it :)
Karine caught me singing out loud outside today. Said I looked crazy (probably did, I tend to nod my head and skip when I sing out loud), but I figured I deserve a release of some sort after the horrendous class this morning. So I listened to "Hedwig and the angry inch" until it got embedded in my brain and then sang it on my way to metro station. You know, people should sing more when they walk outside. Do a little "Once more with feeling" kind of things :) We're far too serious for our own good.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, March 22, 2005, 06:52 p.m.
PMS is over. Oh, how nice it is to return to the land of sanity and sense.
lika got crap done on Wednesday, March 16, 2005, 02:14 p.m.
*bangs head on keyboard* *bangs head on keyboard* *bangs head on keyboard* *bangs head on keyboard* *bangs head on keyboard*
All typed withOUT cut-and-paste >P GAH! Me irritable is not fun. Must be PMS again. I feel like a two year old toddler who fusses with everything. I feel like screaming all of a sudden. I think I'd feel better after I throw myself on the floor on this computer lab, kick and beat it mercilessly, and and shriek "MAY FRITH EAT YOU ALL UP FOR BREAKFAST, YOU SODDY LOUSES YOU!"
Grr. Why can't I bite someone?
Sarah, hope you feel better soon. And sleep. Because bed is good friend.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, March 15, 2005, 06:17 p.m.
I went to Ottawa for a day to say good-bye to the wonderful pastor and his wonderful family that had helped us so much in the last three year. It's making me very sad. I miss them already. I miss church in general. Do not like the churches here. Then again, I hated most of the churches in Ottawa. They smell of slickness, oil, success, and dust. I want my little Ottawa church, with all the warmth, creativity, and odd human quirks. I miss the peace (even though there's was always tension and upset) the unbelievably beautiful music that echoed during worship, and the lovely colours that filled my senses whenever I stepped into that square little building that most people called ugly, but to me, in its all it greyness and drabness, seemed more beautiful that the great stone and marble churches in the world.
lika got crap done on Monday, March 7, 2005, 01:38 p.m.
Sarah: You're a great writer. Your phrases make me giggle as well. You have such a great tough-as-nail, edgy-humerous, day-in-the-life-of kind of writing that's always fun to read. I love your take on real life. It's refreshing and biting and funny. Write more, says I.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, March 1, 2005, 05:05 p.m.
Some public service announcements: Go
here for Simon Tam related gushing and here for best explanation of Simon/Kaylee's relationship I've come across :)
Things I should be doing
Things I rather be doing Of course, the idea is that I don't do anything on second list until I spend at least 10 minutes on the first thing in the first list ^___^
1. Working on my Online Retrieval assignment
2. Cleaning my room
3. Cleaning the living room
4. Putting my laundry away
1. KNITTING A HAT. I WANT TO KNIT A HAT SO BADLY.
2. Sew and finish the bag I'm making
3. Write letters on my homemade Marvel-themed stationary
4. Read Diana Wynne-Jones until I'm batty
lika got crap done on Saturday, February 26, 2005, 09:26 p.m.
On Saturday, when I was doing the visuals for the Worship Team practise, the three extremely talented girls sang, "We Fall Down" adhok, with no audience other than me and the drummer. It was amazing, and beautiful, the three different tones of voieces blended perfectly together. "We Fall Down" is a very simple song, with a simple tune, but when you have those three different voices singing it, and singing it so well, it was one of those things that was so perfectly lovely, so perfectly right. It sent chills up my spine. I don't think it could be recreated, even if the three girls sang it again. It may be just as beautiful, but it won't be *that* particular kind of beautiful. I wish I could have recorded it, because it was one of those rare, rare moments that proved that beauty is truth, and truth is beauty, and there's nothing more to say about it.
lika got crap done on Friday, February 25, 2005, 09:36 p.m.
Taking a break from the utter dumbness that is Library School. I just want to pound my head against the keyboard. It's so stupid. At least I'm liking living in Montreal this semester. Do miss the colours of Ottawa though. There was so much romance there. It was so easy to sit on the porch and watch the sun set and dream. But I do have the say the street that I come out of the metro on is gorgeous at sunset. The black lines of leaveless trees is so vivid against the flare of gold and crimson. I am going to miss that when I move back to Ottawa.
I realize I hate putting my heart on my sleeve. I'm going to get mockery and disappointment. But I do wish for romance, or beauty, or adventure, right now.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, February 15, 2005, 03:02 p.m.
SQUEE! I got the package, Sarah. *does Joss Whedon's dance of joy* It was sitting on my stairs as I walked out of the apartment. *Totally* made my day. I'm so reading the comic after I'm done Gaiman's "Neverwhere." And there was a lot of squealing over Dory ^_^ I so wasn't expecting that! She's so cute and was my companion as I was watching "House of Sand and Fog" last night. :D:D:D:D:D *hugs* Thanks :)
lika got crap done on Wednesday, February 9, 2005, 12:45 p.m.
Man, I hope he updates his review soon. 24!!! :D:D:D:D
lika got crap done on Tuesday, February 8, 2005, 02:50 p.m.
Social blogging was way more fun than commenting/replying on LJ is. *sigh* So sad that everyone left for LJville. I miss blog. I may have whined just as much, but social blogging made me discuss other people's rants/ideas/comments on my entries, and not confine them to the commenting section, so I only felt like half a narcissis here. There was just more sparkle to my entries.
lika got crap done on Sunday, February 6, 2005, 09:26 p.m.
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
lika got crap done on Friday, February 4, 2005, 03:09 p.m.
If I knew how, I would blast the hell out of the fire engine that's slamming against my head. My head hurts, and school's not making it better. I didn't think this semester could be as stupid and as irritating as last semester, but yay, McGill, you know how to hire craptacular professors who make "Hide and Seek" seem like a Mozart composition. Seriously, I've worked in libraries for ten years, and I've learned NOTHING from here that I could use in the libraries. I was thinking of transferring to UoT for their library program, but who's to say that the program won't be as stupid as they are here? I thought McGill, with its prestigious name, would be a much better school than Carleton, but it sucked beyond anything I expected. So I could end up moving farther and spending twice more money and still be in classes where I hate the assignments and classes and professors.
I think the real problem is the library science shouldn't be a Master program. I'm going to get tons of hate mail from librarians everyone who want everyone to believe that being a librarian is this holy occupation that requires years of post-secondary education and honing one's amazing library skills and meditation upon meditation, but seriously, I've worked in libraries, they're not that hard to run or operate. Despite what any librarian tries to tell you, you're putting books on a shelf. That's it. Get over it. Don't make it some holy pilgrimmge, because it isn't, and I shouldn't be jumping through hoops and wasting all this time and money so I could work in one. This is ridiculous.
lika got crap done on Wednesday, February 2, 2005, 03:00 p.m.
Going back to Ottawa is always like stepping back into the past. I'm reminded of this time last year, where I gloried in the drinking of milk and the eating of bread. I blame Satsuki-chan *grins* She sent me "Ronia" and all the reading of bread and milk made me want nothing more than bread and milk. "Ronia" is a wise book, hitting on the true happiness of life, being warm and clean in bed with a full stomach. How true. I'm so happy lying in bed, before I fall asleep, and feeling clean after my bath, and feeling how full my stomach is after dinner. It's the epitome of contentment. That's probably why I take my showers/baths at night, not in the morning. I like that clean feeling while I'm in bed ^_^
I also must comment on my church friends in Ottawa. There are no Christians like them in any of the churches I've been in Ottawa or Montreal. It's probably a good thing for the Christian religion, but Frith, do I love them. They're not your normal Christians. They watch "Dogma" and "Happy Together" and are cut up over the same-sex marriage contraversy, because they know what the Bible says, but at the same time, they believe people should have their rights to do what they want. There's a lot of confusion and anger and disagreement with them, but for all that, they love God dearly, and just love hard and fast, and work so hard for God. It's amazing.
Loving God is easy when you're marriage twenty and have kids soon after and you believe that premarital sex and homosexuality is wrong and it is your duty to have children and raise them in God's name and everyone is right and dandy and you're making money and you just bought a house and everything is clear cut and makes sense, but when you've been struggling with your faith your entire life, not sure if you agree with the Bible on killing, homosexuality, the way they treat females, and are single and being told you should marry and have kids and you're not if that's for you, and you STILL love God, that's amazing.
lika got crap done on Sunday, January 30, 2005, 05:41 p.m.
MCGILL SUCKS! As an institution that's supposed to encourage thought and inspiration, IT SUCKS! Carleton may have been shitsville a good freaking chunk of the time (first and third year in particular were real piss-off), but at least it had classes that stretched my mind and made me think and enabled me to see the world in a new, fascinating way. I loved those classes. I was actually sad to leave Carleton, having finally learned to love it. That Fall semester of 2003 was really something. I'm never going to forget it and I will always love and thank Carleton for those four months that taught me to want to know more about the world around me. I don't think I had ever been so in love with school and with learning. The classes were a joy to go to (except stupid Canadian poetry, but I relished the fact that I, the student whom the professor hated, still understood the poems better than her lame-ass groupie.)
I wish McGill had one class, just one class like those. Unfortunately, they're severely pissing me, just pissing me, and not pissing me off. I haven't found one that I'm excited about going to, for which the readings I enjoyed doing, and the essays I want to plan ahead to do them well. I just don't give a shit. The readings are hideous, the lectures are boring/confusing/uninspiring, and the assignments... oh, the assignments! The most pointless useless stupid pieces of shit of things and I can't being to tell you how much I loathe thinking I have to these lots-of-work-but-what-the-fuck-am-I-supposed-to-do assignments that don't make me think, don't make understand libraries better, and are just a measuring tool to see how great mind reader if I could figure out what the FUCK the professor wants.
And what is responsible for this little outburst of hatred? Stepping into the dreary basement that is McGill Library Science section and feeling guilty for not doing readings when I was watching crazyshit-but-AWESOME Hong Kong movies. I hate that guilt. Golden Semester of 2003 I DVDed myself out, having just gotten the DVD player (oh, the joy, the joy!) and watched movies nonstop, while taking on a full 5 course load and never once felt guilty for watching the amount of movies I did. I had all my assignments and reading done on time, felt good about my grades and how I was going to do on my exams and papers, and came home from class with new knowledge that I shared with family beacuse it too cool to keep to myself, and then watched a movie and felt great. It was glorious.
Everyone else is fine. I like my apartment, I love having roommates and I know watching movies while knitting and eating dinner and make comments with Karine and Audrey. It's a great existence. I just wished school was more interesting so I'd be doing the readings instead of reading Hong Kong movie reviews I've read eighty times already, the lectures actually challenge what I know or reveal something that makes me go, "Oh!" so I don't have to knit to stay awake, and the assignments more clear and useful so I don't see there wanting to pop a kneecap when I get the grade back and have the professor berate me for not putting down the call number when he never told me he wanted the fucking call number. FUCK YOU, I CANNOT READ YOUR FUCKING MIND.
lika got crap done on Thursday, January 27, 2005, 09:58 a.m.
It is shocking how depressed I am here at bullshit school. I still have three more months to go (five if I decide to go for summer school >_<) I miss Carleton, and I was severely depressed and lonely there. At least I had a couple of friends and fair amount of interesting acquaintances who liven up the class and I could phone and hang out and eat with. McGill is the first place where I'm truly alone and lonely. People here are disgustingly normal and devoid of any fandomness, or just general down-to-earthness. I'm not sure what. There's just something missing in the people here. I just can't connect or click with anyone.
I could say it's me, but I was popular in high school, had friends at Carleton, and very well-liked in church. I even made friends in the fast food restaurants I liked. Connecting with people has never really been that much of a problem with me. I don't know why it's so difficult here. It's like there's a wall around me or the people here, and I just can't get pass it. People are friendly, but their friendliness makes it harder to break down the wall.
Gah. Whatever. I can't wait to get out of this stupid school.
(On an unrelated note: Roman Holiday made me realize why I have it so bad for Jeremy Northam: He has a litle of the Gregory Peck thing going for him. I'm an old fashioned gal at heart, I fear. The tall, lanky, manly, hat wearing men of the black-and-white days or period pieces makes me weak at the knees.)
lika got crap done on Friday, January 21, 2005, 02:37 p.m.
So Sarah has just informed me that the Firefly movie release date is supposed to be September 30. I'm hoping she means THIS September, of the 2005, because that would ROCK *gibberish with excitement* She also informed that one of her friends knitted the hat Jayne got from his mom in "The Message". The hat is so cool it deserves its own altar with weekly animal sacrifices. This of course means I'll have to steal it from her. Or knit my own O.o !!Stealing it is.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, January 18, 2005, 03:22 p.m.
Yup, I could hear the collective yells of "AUGH! LIVEJOURNAL IS DOWN I HAVE NO LIFE!" Aw, I miss those days when pitas.com was done, or ate our entries. I was typing shinken.pitas.com and that made me all nostalgic *hugs Alison*
The main reason I'm pissed off with LJ being down is that I can't access that lovely picture of you dressed up as Daisuke. You in all your blonde bombshell beauty *eats her heart out* Do you have any idea how pretty you are? (And blonde! Apparently someone was thinking of me when they made you blonde.) Plus lying in on the bed reanacting that scene had me howling with laughter. You loon *huggles*
And you remembered! Whee! Me in a quarter-of-a-century glory! 25 years of underachievement and nonaccomplishments. How hard I worked for that. Since LJ is down, I will procceed to write out the list of 25 things I haven't not done in my 25 years here and paste it there when it comes back.
25 things that did not get done by age 25 that should have been done with an asterik on the ones that I actually want to accomplish and plan to do so by age 30 ;D
1. Go on a date Actually, I was feeling depressed when I woke up, realizing that I'm 25, still stuck in school, indebt, with no money for DVDs, and have accomplished nothing that means anything to do me or anyone else, but your message cheered me up. One cannot remain depressed with such a friend, and one cannot say their life is full of failure and nonachievement when one has managed to make friends with such a wonderful, wise, funny, and lovely person as you. You've always been there to cheer me up and support me. I'm glad my friendship has meant something to you :D because yours have meant so much to me. The rest means nothing (well, except maybe the DVDs ;D). Love you *hugs*
2. Learn to drive a car
3. Get a full time secure job *
4. Have a shelf-full of DVD boxed sets *
5. Be out of debt *
6. Know how to cook
7. Read "Heart of Darkness"
8. Write something that I'm truly proud of *
9. Help parents out financially *
10. Save a whale
11. Start putting money in an RRSP *
12. Write a will *
13. Kiss someone on the lips
14. Own a cellphone
15. Know how to use a camera properly
16. Know how to knit a toque *
17. Be the fuck out of the school once and for all *
18. Have a website up with fanfic recommandations and TV reviews *
19. Fall in love romantically
20. Have my own place -truly my own place - where I could paint the walls red *
21. Know how to fix the humidifier
22. Start saving to buy a house
23. Tell someone off to their face *
24. Have one picture taken of me where I actually look good *
25. Write an essay/rant about a contraversial issue that will be the last word in that contraversial issue ;) *
lika got crap done on Saturday, January 15, 2005, 02:44 p.m.
Now I'm really pissed off livejournal will not let me in. I just finished the manuscript Malike and Jenni sent me and I want to tell them just how *good* the story is. I want to know what happened next. I'm jealous that they made the characters up, and this world up, and made them all so real. Their description of nature was wonderful. I actually felt like I was in the woods, in the snow, trapped in a well. They really do have a way with words. And with plot. There was a revelation I totally didn't see coming. I don't know where they got the patience to map it all out and then write it. It's great stuff. Does not feel like I'm reading a fanfic at all. It's not fanfic, but when I write original stories, or read some original stories, they feel like fanfic. This doesn't. It feels like an actual fantasy story.
I feel really lucky to have a printed out copy of it from them. It was a really good read. Thank-you so much, two you, for sending it :) I couldn't think of a better birthday present (even if you did send it before Christmas.)
lika got crap done on Friday, January 14, 2005, 08:55 p.m.
Sarah: I hate Windows XP. Windows 2000 or whatever the program I had before was much better. Trying to find files when you can't remember which folder or directory you filed it under is a nightmare on XP. Doing anything windows related, moving files, deleting files, looking for files, copying files, is a pain in the neck. I want my 2000 back.
Malice: Livejournal is being a dick, so I'll tell you how much I like the elf story you and jenni were/are(?) working on, and how jealous I am that you can create this other world, with villages and forest mapped out, and all sorts of characters running about their own subplots. I have enough trouble trying to write anything with more than two character. The story is very good so far, with that adventure/journey feel to it.
There's a few awkward phases and moments (for some reason, as much as I love Cayir and Firath, they felt out of place at times), but mostly I love the sense of the adventure, and I love Nightwyne and Gwenlev. Tristan is an interesting character, and I like him, even if he did do that one foolish thing. Frida's father is brutal. Poor Mariah (I like Mariah, even if she something of a bitch.) I'm almost done reading it. Going through with a pen, making comments, and I'll send you the marked copy when I'm done with it. So far, I really like it, although I'm wondering where Reyn disappeared to. I wonder if he got any more visions.
lika got crap done on Friday, January 14, 2005, 07:03 p.m.
Woo! The joy of having one's period and being overly emotional because of it. Would I ever trade this to be male? Never! My period-related-bitchiness makes me special.
I still can't decide if I'm feeling joyfully lucky and accomplished because I passed all my courses or ready to bash my head into a wall and scream because I'm so pissed off with everything. I do know I want my laundry done today so I better go home and be productive and get stuff done. Blah.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, January 11, 2005, 10:59 a.m.
I was feeling sad earlier. Not a bad sad, just a sad that comes about when you realize you don't have something that you never did had. Like a significant other or an excellent adventure or writing talent *snort*. Also sad because I miss my family, and the online bunch during the riotious CLAMP days (ah, Sakura Board, how I miss thee.) Sometimes it's nice to feel sad.
HUGS. Darlingest, I miss you so, even though I'm responsible for doing all sorts of disappearing acts. Miss you like mad, and wishing things will work out here so I can go back to being myself again, and we can go back to giggling/shrieky/wild-streak-of-joy fangirls together.
lika got crap done on Monday, January 10, 2005, 07:29 p.m.
I am officially Michelle Dessler's willing bitch. Frith, she's hot. Amazing how she can be girlish adorable and then at a drop of a pin be this total bad!ass babe. Wowee. How I miss having femcrushes! *happily dances away*
lika got crap done on Thursday, December 16, 2004, 12:18 p.m.
What was I doing for the last two hours when I was supposed to be finish a reference assignment? (It's not being marked and it's optional, but we've told that if we want to pass the final, we should do them)
That's right! Writing replies on LJ and screwing around with this layout! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Ah, my abuse of capital letters is just is. Me. I'm tired and I want to go to home and knit and watch TV and not be doing homework and worrying about upcoming exams, and I can't stand that all my blog and LJ is schoolSCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOL. My poor readers. My poor me five years later reading this going, "Wow, I was such a whelp. Life is much worse now."
My excessive whining has started getting on my nerves. And the thing is, I'm not whiny. I mean, I am. Totally. But I can take a lot of crap. I don't expect much from life. I'll be fine living in an apartment with bugs. I don't need nice clothes or even cable (gotten used to it.) I don't even mind working for free at crappy fast food job to help someone who needs someone to help her close so she can get out on time. I'm fairly good at going with the flow and being happy where I am, unless it's school.
School has always been the one thing that if it rubs me the wrong way, I sulk and become petulant. I will get self-righteous and bitch nonstop. It's just the one thing I can't stand when it's going badly, and it's the one thing that will have me going for hours, days on end, months (as you've probably noticed), just whining and bitching and moaning and IhateitIhateitIhateit, until I wonder people wonder why the hell am I still here if I hate academia so much.
I don't hate it is the truth. When it's great, it's one of the best things in life. I love learning, I love having my mind expanded. But when it's bad -- oh when it's bad -- I can't stand it! Physically, mentally, I just cannot stand it. Made worse by the fact that I have to work on something I hate, and it infuriates and depresses, and this year has been the worst because I haven't made any friends and I need to friends so I have people who could help me study and get me through the program.
BUT!--
New layout and new Christmas colours, so I made a resolution not to whine anymore. Because as much as school suck, I can choose my attitude about it, right? The students last year had to put up with a crappy program, but they went to work at it, and made it work and enjoyed it. They were hard workers, and from what I can, they hardly whine. I think I'm going to try to turn over a leaf for next semester. Next semester -provided that I pass this one - I will not whine, but even if the classes suck beyond anything, I will work and be diligent and have a "okay, let's finish this" attitude instead of "why the fuck am I wasting my fucking time on this stupid fucking assignment?" attitude.
Yes, I will try to be that mature, graceful person! Even in school! Bad school even!
It'll probably kill me in the end, but I'll try to be.
lika got crap done on Friday, December 10, 2004, 07:51 p.m.