Wow, did I screw up that shift. Blah. I better do better tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight so I'm more alert. Hope my pre-closer is better than today's because today's *sucked*. What a loser. He totally threw me off my close, and I didn't get out of Subway until 10:30, an hour after I got paid. Fraktard. My feet hurt.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, July 11, 2006, 11:20 p.m.
Dammit, it's 3:39 and I can't fall asleep. Since I need ten hours of sleep (though the truth is I've been sleeping 12 hours lately), it means if I wake up earlier than noon I'm going to be one severely cranky witch. And my mother wants to go out for a walk at 8am. I don't effing think so. AUGH! She's so irritating. Everything is irritating. This stupid job situation. My lack of income. Trying to figure out how I'm going to get all my stuff back from Montreal on my lack of income. That fear that I'll probably have to move as far as Calgary or Newfoundland for a decent job and will have to leave my nieces at the mercy of their parents and grandparents whose idea of parenting is saying, "you're so fat go skip some rope." %#$!#@$ I'm upset that there's a chance I won't be here to take them to music festivals and fringe festivals and poetry readings and conventions and storytellings, and I had such plans to expand their minds and expose them to that other world of beauty and dreams.
The thing I'm most sad about is that I seem to be losing touch with that world myself. It used to be that all I had to do was catch a glimpse of smoke grey clouds at night or the moon between the pines or yellow leaves against wet black bark after rainfall and the sudden beauty of it would make my breath catch in my throat. I would just stand there and drink it with a delirious, slightly smug, high sense of joy. There was a sunset today that a couple of years ago would have brought that sense of joy - the colours were just vibrant and bursting - but I didn't feel anything for it past a tourist admiration. I could not drink it and revel in the colours.
Maybe it's something one outgrows, like the ability to talk to your toys and breathe life into them by simply a thought in your mind. Outgrowing is an insidious thing, because it happens so gradually that you don't notice what Montgomery calls, "the doors of Fairyland" have slammed shut until you can't sleep one day and realize it's because your toys no longer talk back to you, or that you've lost the ability to sit on the porch after the sun disappear over the horizon with the memory of its dying blazes still burning in the back of your mind, or that words are no longer your friend and you can't find or work with the right ones to create a vivid image or moment anymore.
lika got crap done on Friday, June 23, 2006, 09:33 a.m.
Seriously, it's not about how well you do in university that will get you the job; it's how much of a go-getter you are, and I'm totally not a go-getter. I hate it when people tell me to be assertive and to demand to see the manager and give the resumes directly to him/her and sell myself. I'm shy, I'm disinterested, I'm only assertive when I'm being passive-aggressive. I also have zero interest in researching and memorizing mission statements and visions of potential jobs, and having to search their website to find their applications. What it comes down to is that I hate pursuing things and rather just grab what's closest or most convenient. I've never pursued anything in my life, except some rare foreign VCDs or mangas or best deals on DVD boxsets, but other than that, I simply don't have enough passion to actually get up and go for anything.
Anyways, my advice to all high-schoolers who hate going for things in real life, don't see university as something that will get you a job. What will get you a job is your go-getter attitude, and if you totally lack that, it might be better to go to college or skip post-secondary education altogether, because the jobs at the university-degree levels require a much higher go-getter attitude than they would at a college level or a high school level. Having jobs at the university level fall into your lap like fast-food jobs do, well, it doesn't really happen. You have to go out and search for them, research them, network to find them, sell yourself, show yourself to be a manager and a leader of people and someone who likes to take charge, and if you're like me and the mere sound of those things make you curl up and shriek in unholy pain, well, good luck on finding a job. They all want leaders, not sheeps, and I'm nothing if a spectacular (and happy) sheep.
AUGH! YOU MORON. YOU KNEW YOU WERE A SHEEP. YOU KNEW YOU LIKE BEING A SHEEP. YOU HATE BEING A LEADER. WHY DID YOU GO TO UNIVERSITY?
So yes, all you sheeps in high school, university prepare you for jobs that require leaders with go-getter attitudes. You need to be a leader with a go-getter attitude because univesity teaches you nothing that any job would find useful, ergo, it's that attitude that will get you that job, and if you lack that attitude, well, you have nothing to offer. Keep that in mind when you apply for post-secondary education.
OK, to keep my sanity and depression and anxiety and frustration at bay, a video of Luna Sea's I for You, the song that the kareoke place yesterday wouldn't play the vocals for, much to my chargrin.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, June 20, 2006, 12:02 p.m.
AUGH! Trust 24 to make me want to see some sweet lovin' between various leads >_< I want that post-torture-make-up-sex!
lika got crap done on Thursday, June 1, 2006, 01:02 a.m.
Now I realize I'm a walking contradiction: I hate school but I went through my Masters. I did my bachelor in English literature despite the fact that I dislike reading. I despise the Chinese mentality and everything that goes with it, but I love wuxia. I'm a Christian who doesn't like reading works of C.S. Lewis. I plan on being childfree for the rest of my life but I have the heart of a parent.
The last contradiction is probably why I can't join any childfree community, as the kid-bashing that goes on in those communities drive me mad. I have nothing against kid-bashing and don't think peopole who hate children and parents are mean, cruel, or irrational people, but since I like kids I don't like reading about how they are the plague of the plane or how ugly pregnant woman are or why any girl who choose not to abort is a nutcase. On the other hand, the anti-childfree communities are nuts, especially those who say, "if everyone became childfree, there'd be no people left in the world." Morons, at a population that's pushing 7 billion, the world is in no danger of being devoid of people.
lika got crap done on Tuesday, May 9, 2006, 05:51 p.m.
Ever have those moments when you feel sorry for everyone in this world because they're not you? I'm having one of those now. Yes, this applies to all of you who looks into the mirror and don't see my face peering back at you. I pity you! Guess who passed all her classes? *goes back to dancing and singing*
Five other reasons why I rock: 4. I'm the ultimate proof that the idea that "guys goes for looks and girls go for character" is utter and total and complete BS. I never asked an actor to be talented, he just has to look good. Appearance so outshines talent, brains, and character with me.
3. I have my priorities straight! As important as appearance is to me, wealth is even more important.
2. I had a conversation that went like this on MSN: 1. This picture says it all. It shows my shining intelligence, my great brilliance, what a bright person and blinding beauty I am ^_^
5. I had to get Andrew to explain the difference between an accelerator and a gas pedal to me.
Me: I don't get why I keep getting the wrong answer.
Friend: You multiple 5 and 6 first and then add 4.
Me: I do?
Friend: Yeah, remember, brackets first, then multiplication and then addition
Me: Oh yeah! FOIL!
Friend: Uh, that would be BEDMAS.
Me: ...OH! OMG! *ROTFL* I'm such an idiot. That's hilarious!
lika got crap done on Sunday, May 7, 2006, 01:53 p.m.
Telephone interview in fifteen minutes. I am so nervous.
lika got crap done on Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 02:14 p.m.
Blah. I *so* don't want to do this last assignment. I always get sloppy near the end. And here's hoping I get through to make a phone call for a job interview *cross fingers*
lika got crap done on Tuesday, April 18, 2006, 01:29 p.m.
OMG, MY LATEST ASSIGNMENT IS BORING AS ASS! Oh, and this job looking thing, part of the crap called real life, totally not worth being born for :P
lika got crap done on Sunday, April 9, 2006, 11:02 p.m.
I hate this time of month. Ugh! I hate school too. Go to hell, McGill. School's driving me bonkers. And so is Louis Koo's character in "Against the Blade of Honour." You have this lovely, smart, adorable wife who's AMAZING and you're being a dick to her and I want to punch you because you're a bastard. I can't believe I'm mad at him for marrying another girl when in "Return of the Condor Heroes" I was ticked off that he didn't marry the other girls. I'm all for polygamy, except apparently in "Against the Blade of Honour":P But that's because the other girls are shmucks. Vivian Noel Leung as his wife is awesome though. I like her! I like Louis too but his character is a jerk and I hope someone kicks him in the face. Blah. Periods make me irritable.
lika got crap done on Thursday, March 23, 2006, 11:18 p.m.
I'm currently watching the 1983 version and SQUEE! I've forgotten how good it was, and how much I love Idy Chan as Xiao Long Nu. She was definitely the strongest, steeliest of all Xiao Long Nu's, and yet she shows her emotional and vulnerable side so well. If you're going to watch ROCH, watch the 1983 one. There's that told time labour-of-love magic to it, and there's little to cringe while watching it, unlike '95, where so some scenes had me wanting to pour acid on my eyes to scour the image out of my mind.
But '95 had Louis Koo. He's my current ideal of the perfect male specimen. I was complaining to Mom that the Chinese girls were so pretty and the guys were, well, blah, but then Louis Koo comes and he's so noble-looking in ancient wear and has these intense smoldering eyes and is simply gorgeous to stare at, provided he keeps on shirt on. He has pair of weird-looking nipples. For that matter, nipples on males are weird. They don't produce milk so I don't understand their existence. If I could go the rest of my life without seeing a nipple on a guy, I'd be a very happy girl :P
I had a bunch of construction things to say about the show, but I lost them all. Long and short of the '95 version:
-costumes, hair, sets and choreography are fugly
-the quick camera angles during the fight scenes are distracting and immaturist
-the important extras, Li Mo Chou, Huang Rong, and Guo Jing are an eyesore to watch and have no presence whatsoever
-the girls Louis meets on his way are actully cute and it's fun to watch him interact with them, Lu Wu Shaung in particular
-Louis is gorgeous
-Carmen is steal-my-heart-and-run-with-it gorgeous
-Louis and Carmen together are the very incarnation of gorgeous and I seriously doubt I'll see a better looking couple than those two
-They have incredible chemistry together and that's the main reason to watch the show
lika got crap done on Friday, March 17, 2006, 10:47 p.m.
Frith, I haven't been able to call my soul my own since I've discovered that Carmen Lee has dimples.
lika got crap done on Friday, March 17, 2006, 03:01 p.m.
FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU WORLD.
Trying to drag me out of that nice cocoon I made this weekend of me watching Babylon 5 from my bed and downloading videoclips of Jin Yong's adaptations and sleeping for 13 hours into the stupid academic world of sheer and utter and pointless boredom. Frith, I fucking hate being bored. I hate having to concentrate my mind on something I have ZERO interest in, and Great Frith if Library Science isn't the most pointless stupid form of boredom. And they expect me to write 15 pages on this shit.
Frith.
On the bright side, prospect of Ammie-Love running naked covered in glime slime does wonders to cheer my soul, and Otakon is a GO, a fantastic-price-for-hotel-room kind of GO :D
lika got crap done on Sunday, March 12, 2006, 06:17 p.m.
I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU TOO!! OMG, Ammie-Love, would you really come to Otakon again!? SQUEE and JOY!
But I'd hate to make you come all the way down to Otakon a second year in a row when you live so far and it's so expensive and time-consuming, but Good Frith, I'd ***LOVE*** to see you again! <3 I'd love that more than anything and you can meet Linh and we can talk about Babylon 5 and maybe I'll talk Sarah into going and we can be Howl and Sophie again and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! INCOHERENT!WITH!JOY!!!!!!!!
P.S. Frith, I've got to see that necklace! Pictures, please!
lika got crap done on Saturday, March 11, 2006, 12:13 a.m.
lika got crap done on Thursday, February 23, 2006, 02:16 a.m.
The morning sucked, as I woke up with a nasty cold, sick as a dog, totally sleep-deprived from only six hours of sleep the night before. Normally, I can function on that except I also had only six hours of sleep the night before, and being physical weak and sick didn't help. I also had no time for breakfast and the weather was biting cold and NONE of the elevators worked. Then I got to class and got my assignment back and found out I totally failed it. My professor went through the assignment and I just sat there glaring at her in total and utter contempt. The assignment was only 6%, but I worked harder on that than my assignments worth 30%, because the questions she asked required a ridiculously amount of work to answer, and then she adds that I should have searched for more books and articles. Lady, it's 6%! I'm not spending 20 hours working on something that's only 6%.
I was furious, and decided screw that, I'm skipping my next class and I'm going home to take a nap, which I did. The class was the reference interview anyways, which I already know how to do, and I really was sick as a dog. So I go home and take a two hour nap. Naps are the most wonderful things invented. It totally refreshed my spirit and my health. I felt much better.
Then I went back to school because I was giving a presentation on graphic novels to the Kid's Book Club. I bought some of my comics, trade paperbacks, and one manga to show people and it made me feel so important being able to answer people's question about graphic novels. And then we totally trashed the library school.
You know, there are few things as satisfying in life than sitting with a bunch of others disgruntled students and ranting about how much the program sucks, the professors sucks, the marking sucks, that it's business based, not library based, that the streams was a bad idea, and going on and on and I lost my voice so I'll be very hoarse this weekend. But oh, was it worth it.
And I found out I'm not the only person who did poorly on that assignment this morning. The leader of the kid's book club - who also skipped the second class; actually I talked her into skipping it - and I just tore that professor apart. OMG, how we were supposed to know that the person in assignment wanted journal articles? Had this been real life, we would have asked them if they wanted journal articles. We can't guess that from "A university student is writing a research paper on gambling." Not unless we talk to the person which we can't because the person is a piece of paper. Frith, it was so stupid. So we ranted for an hour after the meeting and then ranted on our way to the metro, which by that point, my voice nearly totally gave out.
Then I come home and worked on another assignment while phoning Mom to discovered that all the tvb series I asked her to look for are too old for her to find. Blah. I'll have to go to Toronto then. Montreal sucks for tvb series. It also sucks for comic book stores. And anime stores. On the bright side, I have ample time to watch tvb themesong openings with their wonderful, wonderful men who wear ribbons in their long ponytails.
OMG, this new obsession of mine is getting out of hand.
lika got crap done on Wednesday, February 8, 2006, 10:55 p.m.
