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and when ever they catch you, they will kill you. but first they must catch you
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I suck I suck I suck I suck I SUCK. I missed class today and you know why? Because I left my wallet at the Chinese Restaurant I ate at last night, and since *everything* was in my wallet, debit card, cash, metro pass, I couldn't leave the apartment until the restaurant opened at 11. At least the restaurant still had my wallet, and left everything, even the cash, intact. Good to know not everyone in Montreal are complete assholes (more than I can say for our neighbour across the street.)
However, being the resilient little Pollyanna that I can be, I'm going to learn from this experience so that it will not happen again. I'm going to leave one debit card in my room so in case my wallet goes missing again, I can at least have some way of getting money to go on the metro and not miss class.
Frith, I'm tired. We have another cockroach infestation, and I was until two looking at them. I'm going to have to call my mom or my brother to call the landlord to let them know about it. This thing with my wallet and now missing my class... Plus the incredible workload. I can know I can make this whole living-on-my-own/difficult-Master-program/back-breaking-labour work. At least everything happened during the first weeks, not during crunch time with exams and assigments due. By then, I should have learn from all my mistake and be prepare for anything that hits me. lika got crap done on Thursday, September 23, 2004, 11:32 a.m.
Whoo hoo! Once again brainfied. I figured this is my permanent state of being, my only excuse for not telling Sarah earlier how much I wanted to give her a hug and a bunch of good science fiction books about Craig going off to school. Hope you're feeling better! And damn my low finances, because I do want to visit you in Toronto again. It's always a lot of fun to walk downtown with you.
Aaaaaaauuuuggggghhhhh... I suck at the whole school and work at the same time thing. Projects haven't even started and my brain is already sick and tired of switching between the two. I think this is a sign to get another job, perferably in a library, and quit doing the fast food thing, as much as I love getting a 50% discount T_T lika got crap done on Thursday, September 16, 2004, 09:10 a.m.
Ammie and Sarah, email me with your snail mail addresses. GAH! I think I mixed them up with your old ones. lika got crap done on Sunday, August 29, 2004, 09:09 p.m.
Random note to Ammie to let her know that I love her dearly *hugs* Sorry that I don't have your birthday package done yet. I do have a postcard ready to be sent that will explain everything and I hope to get it to you soon. You are my sunshine!
Speaking of sunshine: Another one of my pointless-but-it-makes-me-happy waxing poetic of the beautiful world around me (because I'm one of those lucky suckers who live in a world full of beauty)
I love sunlight. Summer to me has always meant a burst of sunlight into our spacious living rooms. Both my mom’s house and my house had huge windows and on those long, wonderful, delightful summer days, we’d have sunlight pouring into them. Even cloudy days the room contrived to be filled with a decent amount of natural light.
When I become established and am secure financially to settle down, I need a big house with large windows that let the sun stream in, and have it surrounded by grassy green lawns and bushes and twiggy, tree-like plants. I need trees, my own tree, either in my backyard or my front yard, but a tree in either one is a necessity. Trees give that lustrous variety of green shades in summer, my beloved yellow leaves black bark combination in autumn that I’m wild about, and in winter seeing the bare, knotted branches against snowy background is sheer poetry. I also need an excellent view of the sky, with easy access to moon gazing at night, and nonstop opportunities to watch pink purple crimson amber flares during sunset. Unless it’s winter, in which it’s white and remain white, even at night, and so close to the ground you can’t tell if the ground is reflecting sky or the sky reflecting the ground.
I need a porch that I can watch thunderstorms from, protected from the rain but having a first person view of the lightning zigzagging across the sky. There also needs to be a road in front of that porch that goes perpendicular from it that goes nowhere. It probably ends up somewhere (i.e. an elementary school), but since that somewhere is blocked by trees and the road ends under an archway of bushes, it looks like a way to nowhere, or better yet, somewhere not on earth beyond those bushes, someplace with endless possibilities and potentials.
And to think, my family found a house with big windows, surrounded by green grass and trees, with an excellent of a sky that’s so close to the ground you think you could reach up and touch it, and a porch that looks out onto a road that leads to nowhere, and we’ve been living in there for fifteen years.
Does my family know how to pick a house or does my family know how to pick a house? :)
lika got crap done on Tuesday, August 24, 2004, 12:30 a.m.
My sister just went home after visiting me here in Montreal from yesterday. I needed that, to have someone here I love as much as I love my sister to somehow - I hate to say the word bless the place but I can't explain it any other way. As much as I've enjoyed my stay in Montreal thus far, there's always been some frustration, insecurities, fears, and homesickness that has plagued me, but having my sister here disspelled that. It was good to talk to her again, after not seeing her for over six months. I needed to talk to her, and now, I know I'm going to make it, I'm going to love it here, and I'm ready for whatever the future has in store. I know that because after she left, I was the most at peace that I have been in a long time, and I know that because for the time since I've been here, the sky was achingly lovely to look at. lika got crap done on Thursday, August 19, 2004, 08:49 p.m.
I'm going to Ottawa ^____^ I'm going to my niece's birthday party. I'm going to give my cousin's a weekend of peace. I'm going to see my sister for the first time in almost eight months.
If I ever say anything bad about McDonald's, feel free to smack me. I LOVE YOU, MCDONALD'S!!!!! lika got crap done on Friday, August 13, 2004, 11:50 p.m.
GAH! Phone me McDonald's!!!!! Let me know if I'm going to Ottawa this weekend or not >_< lika got crap done on Friday, August 13, 2004, 03:29 p.m.
I'm just indescribibly happy all of a sudden. Think it's the red that's doing it ;) It's just so vibrant and warm and vivid. And coming from someone who hates the sight of blood, that's pretty special. It might also be me listening to the Gilmore Girl soundtrack and "My little corner of the world", which is so joyful and sweet, and I'm just a little bundle of happy happy joy joy who loves loves seeing green grass and bright skies and happy people and this wonderful, bright, glowing thing called life. lika got crap done on Thursday, August 12, 2004, 11:36 p.m.
Cocoa does indeed rock, for THAT is one funky layout! And it's Daisuke! Multiple pictures of Daisukes with a heart there <3<3<3 It looks so professional and well done :) So happy for you, and for your blog, and for me because I like looking at nice blog layout changes ^_^ (but your others were nice, even the default, no picture, all I did was color change it ones). lika got crap done on Thursday, August 12, 2004, 11:39 a.m.
New color scheme until I make a brand new spanking layout! :D:D:D:D lika got crap done on Monday, August 9, 2004, 01:52 p.m.
Ammie-Love isn't like anyone I know and here are the reasons why and what I think she might just possibly be:
1. She gets along with everyone, which in the Internet universe, is pretty damn freaky, and therefore makes me believe she is a witch. How else can I explain the spells she cast upon everyone who meets her and love her? She bewitched us all.
2. While everyone else equates love to romance, she equates love to dogs, candlesticks, and food, proving that her sense of truth is higher than most people's. She may be a guru, or even an oracle.
3. There must be some android gene in her because unlike so many people I know *coughmecough*, she doesn't feel the need to throw herself into politics, flamewars, and bitch people's ears off. The human attraction to fire does not seem to affect her.
4. She also probably Keiichi reincarnated because she's so damn sunny all the time.
5. She's also probably an alien because she makes being sunny like Keiichi cool, hip, and happening.
6. Definitely must be an alien as she's not afraid of telling people she's 29 years old *grin* Or a very wise and delightful sage. Either way, or whatever she is, I love her dearly, and wish her a very Happy Birthday *HUGGLES*
lika got crap done on Friday, August 6, 2004, 10:02 p.m.
I bought my metro pass. Then I lose my metro pass.
Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for that fact that I didn't even get to use it once >_<
And after a shift at McDonald's where I "lost" my manager's keys for two very scary hours. I am so not cut out for a superhero's life.
On the nicer side of life, read "The Lottie Project" and SQUEE! ^_^ lika got crap done on Tuesday, August 3, 2004, 01:01 a.m.
Oh darling. I understand your pain. I'm currently scared of LJ. Too many replies I need to give people and I'm totally hating the comment thing right now. I hope you're feeling better, dearest. Sorry to hear about your cold. I think I'm going to hide in blogland for a while. Oh, did you see Linh's new layout? Gorgeous. I love black, white, and red color combinations (well, obviously *grins*), and the picture and the way it appears from the black, the bloody redness of it, very pretty. Pretty things make me a very happy little bunnylover.
As for the move, everything is going well so far, and Jeannie is the bestest roomie, but the job thing will have me climbing walls if it doesn't get resolved soon. Grrr... McDonalds better phone me back soon. If they don't, I'm looking for another job because I need money and I need it *NOW*. To buy pretty stuff for my lovely blond hobbit on her day of birth of course :) *snuggles*
Oh, and Sarah! Read "Tailchaser's Song", and EEEEK!!! Will write more about it in the old fashion of incoherent wittism that LJ apparently killed, because the book deserves the fangirl gushing style of yore. It kicked ass. lika got crap done on Monday, July 19, 2004, 03:29 p.m.
*SQUEALS!* I'm glad some people still use their blog enough to change the layouts *is gleeful* The new layout is spankin', my moonkitty princess. I can't believe you went from computer illiterate to being able to manipulate multiple pictures like that ^_^ They're such cute pictures, too! And I love the color scheme, since I'm all simple color coordination whore and all (gah, I'm boring!) But I love the white, the black, and the grey links in particular. It's so elegent, simple, newspaperish, and "here is the no-nonsense gang of CLAMP here to type some professional stuff and whoops, I just tripped, dropped everything, and went flying in the air, all in that order."
HEE ^_^
I miss layout changes as well. Frith, I really miss them. It was also so exciting to click on someone's link and see how things were moved around and pictures change and how they integrated the graphics with the text. Sure, there's pictures and color changes in livejournal, but one doesn't have the total control over the page as one does with a blog. Yeah, I think there is a little loss of individuality, not that it's important or earth-shattering, but it does evoke some nostalgia in me.
Plus I miss writing about everything and anything in no particular order, mismatching totally unrelated topics into one post. For some reason I can't bring myself to do that in livejournal. Aw, bloggy, I miss you ^_^
On a not-so-totally unrelated topic, I'm starting to develop an unhealthy adoration for blond babes. I blame Kate Lockley, Amber Benson, and this hobbit here. lika got crap done on Thursday, June 24, 2004, 12:09 a.m.
I owe Malice this entry from I can't remember when, and it will be short because sadly, I can't figure out the names of any the birds around my house, except the crows, and even then I'm not sure if it's a crow or a raven.
For simplicity sake, they're crows and therefore, crows are equated with home for me. As much I revel in the freedom of living across the street from my mother as opposed to living with her, I miss my old room. It was tiny, with beautiful wooden walls. I think I'm the only person I know who lived in a room with wooden walls. It always reminded me of a log cabin, but a nice one. My window looked out into the backyard and my mom's house and her neighbours had massive trees in their backyards. It was wonderful to wake up to wooden walls, see the trees and blue sky through the window and hear the crows call in the morning. They don't call at my new house, and I miss that sound in the morning. It's not exactly a pretty sound, but it's one that fills up the air completely and resonates both inside and out with warm summer mornings.
They are other birds that chirp in the morning. I like waking up and listening them along with the crows outside, calling and teasing each other in the early sunlight. And I love going up the window and watching them fly in swift fluttering blurs off the deck towards the branches as my mother enters the backyard to start her morning gardening. lika got crap done on Tuesday, June 22, 2004, 01:04 a.m.
My head is killing me. No more 3-eight-hours-shift-in-42-hour-period for me. You'd think sleeping from eight this morning to six in the evening would mean I'm not tired now, but I'm groggy, too braindead to come up with any decent replies I owe, like, everyone, and I'm starving. I want meat and carbs in the worst way possible. lika got crap done on Friday, June 18, 2004, 11:47 p.m.
Last entry was written after a wonderful shift where I worked the always awesome Amber, and everything was just fun and cool. If every shift was like that, I would seriously say screw it to high paying library job and never leave the stupid store.
Unfortunately, you have shifts like yesterday's, which was FUCKING SHITTY, and today's, which brought me the worst headache because that stupid bitch named Caroline decided to quit Timmy's and tell us three hours before her shift that she's not coming in, forcing poor Amber to double shift. NO ONE SHOULD DOUBLE SHIFT AT THAT SHIT EXCUSE FOR A FAST RESTAURANT! Least of all, Amber, who's done it so much already, and who works so hard and is one of the sharpest mind there. They're freaking killing her because they're dumbshit to hire decent overnight workers. No wonder she's so pissed off all the time.
And FUCK Caroline to hell. If you're going to quit, work that one shift at least. Amber should not have to double shift because you're a fucktard with no basic human decency. Is there not one ounce of consideration for others there? I'm not asking her to help anybody with anything, just do a fraction of the responsibility that was assign to you so others wouldn't have to pick up the slack that was originally yours. But of course her fuckwit little mind that only sees ME ME ME and fuck the rest of the world doesn't see that.
HOLY FUCK, WHAT GOES ON IN THE MIND OF THESE RETARDS!?
It wouldn't be so bad if Caroline (bitch's real name and if I knew her last name, I'd post it here for all to know) wasn't all, "I hate it when people call in sick" and "I'm so responsible and hate inconsiderate people" and "look at what a nice, sweet person I am." Fuck her fuck her FUCK HER. I'm punching her the next time I see her, one for Amber, because Amber so does not deserve this, or Tanmay who pulled a double last night because of Caroline, or I, who pulled a double before because some overnight dickhead called in sick, or any nightshift worker who gets shafted into doubleshifting due to inconsiderate fucks who are too chickenshit to give us considerable notice about leaving, too wussy to buck it up and put up with one fucking shift and too inconsiderate to just once in their life give a fuck about people other than themselves. lika got crap done on Wednesday, June 16, 2004, 11:00 p.m.
My last day at Tim Horton's is the 23rd, and I'm going to miss it a little. The people I worked with are awesome, and they were all "WHY!?" when I gave my two week's notice. While I'm FILLED WITH GLEE about leaving in a week, I don't really mind working at a fast food restaurant.
I know people who refuse to sink to the level of fast food restaurants or get mad at Canada because people have to work there to pay off bills(whatever), but I love commiserating with other co-workers, and I love how fast it is, I love how I'm pushed to my limits under the immense stress, I love the raw energy that pulses underneath everything, and I do take pride that I'm fast and accurate at drive through. Not that it's worth bragging about, but I enjoy the speed and efficiency of my efforts there. I get kind of miffed when people view fast food as drudgery and mindless droning, not realizing that there are some skills involved. I know I'm a faster person with a much better memory and a much sharper mind now that I have worked drive through.
Anyhows, I hope I find a job at Montreal. The plan is to make enough money to pay for whatever my savings doesn't cover during July and August, and have a couple hundred dollars during September around in case OSAP is late (as it always is.)
Aw, Frith. I'm already getting an headache just thinking of the crap I'm going to have to go through to get the stupid loan. lika got crap done on Monday, June 14, 2004, 11:37 p.m.
Judging from the amount of cuss words on my LJ and blog lately, my mood must be all over the map. Which is not to say that there is anything wrong with swearing. Just that me using that many expletives in posts where I normally I would have used Likish words like "freaking", "Frith" or long nonsense expressions highlighted in italics and capital letters means that I'm either overstressed or highly emotional.
Admittedly, I have been both lately. Tim Hortons is sucking everything out of me physically, leaving me with no energy except going online and watching DVD. I can't even read a book anymore, and the house still needs cleaning before my brother comes on Friday. The highly emotional side I'm guessing is from the freak-out of moving out and the anxiety of being in a Master program that I know I'm not cut out for, my ongoing religious crisis, and the fact that I'm worried about my brother.
No big deal of course. My life is still happy happy joy joy. A little stress and emotions is good for character building. But I badly need a break and I need it soon. I just want one day where I do absolutely nothing, don't work, no worries, just clean the house and watch my DVDs and videos.
Sarah: You latest post reminded me a conversation Lindsey McDonald had with Holland in "Blind Date" (what I considered to be Angel's best written episode):
Do you believe in love? I'm not speaking romantically. I'm talking about that sharp, clear sense of self a man gains once he's truly found his place in the world. It's no mean feat, since most men are cowards and just move with the crowd. Very few make their own destinies. They have the courage of their convictions, and they know how to behave in a crisis.
I love what he said about that sharp, clear sense (and the actor did an amazing job with the dialogue), mostly because I'm all over the place and everything is blurry and muddled up with me. What I wouldn't do to love something as much as Mal loves Serenity. It's not so bad though. I rather like this state of having no lasting passion. I'm sure having something to strive for would be great, but it could be equally worthwhile discovering what that something is or coming into acceptance that you're fine just the way you are.
(Hopefully you won't have to discover that with some whacked-head asking you if you're familiar with the teaching of Shan Yu.) lika got crap done on Thursday, June 10, 2004, 02:30 a.m.
Obligatory Brat Whining Post:
I work *damn* hard to avoid discomfort and give a wide berth to pain and hardship, and when that fails, I work at making sure discomfort, pain, and hardship have little to no effect on me, so I develop something of a "See if I care" attitude about everything.
AND I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE ME CARE!
Fuck off. Don't guilt trip me, don't make me feel scum because I'm flighty and selfish and irresponsible and for fuck's sake, DON'T LAY ALL YOUR FAILED EXPECTIONS ABOUT ME ON ME! Holy fuck, am I the *only* person on this stupid planet who makes mistakes? Because with the way some people treat me, I'm starting to think I am.
And people wonder why I have such low expectations. It's because people with high expectations are starting to serverely piss the hell out of me. I don't fucking expect anyone in this world to be like me, and I don't see why they expect people to act and think just like them.
Seriously, I don't fucking have time for this. I've got less than a month to get my McGill things in order, arrange for OSAP which I know will take days of hair-pulling and screaming tantrums, prepare to move out to Montreal, get my brother's house in order, spend quality time with friends I won't see for a long while since I'm moving and with my family whom I will miss more than anything else in this world, and I don't have the time or inclination to dwell on my oh-so-many-and-oh-so-severe fuck-ups. lika got crap done on Monday, June 7, 2004, 11:44 p.m.
You halfwit! STAY OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET! There's a reason why you howl in pain everytime you lean on your wrists. And you could be spending your time doing more important things. Like giving the house the cleaning it so sorely needs and doing the laundry seeing how you're on your last underwear and finally getting your updated OHIP card so that if a car hits you, the paramedics won't leave you on the street bleeding with half your guts hanging out because they can't find your card in your bag.
No, I have no idea how my guts would be hanging after being hit by a car, but whatever. My wrists are killing, and the pain is from my fingertips to my shoulder. Frith, I hope I have the stupid willpower to stay offline. Good freaking grief. lika got crap done on Monday, June 7, 2004, 03:40 a.m.
It took seven years for email to lose it novelty. LJ is starting to lose its after a mere year and a half. I'd stick to blogging only if it wasn't that everyone left it for the world of LJ and if LJ wasn't more convenient for everyday contact purpose, seeing as I'm never home to answer the phone. (Sorry, Karine.)
The problem with LJ is the comments section demands for a much faster pace than blogging would. Answering a post a few days later on one's blog is all right. Answering a comment a few days later on LJ seems out of context or too late. And commenting is fast becoming like email. It requires replying and I'm hideous at replying. It's not that I'm not interested, but that I'm lazy and the world's worst(best?) procrastinator. I love making replies and letting people know they rock because they agree with me (j/k!) but I like to do it at my own time, which isn't slow in blog time (three days average) but seems snailass!slow in the LJ world. lika got crap done on Sunday, June 6, 2004, 11:51 p.m.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER! Hopefully I can meet you in person again. You're an awful lot of fun to hang around with ^__^ lika got crap done on Saturday, June 5, 2004, 02:30 a.m.
Well, It's about bloody time.
Oh, Heather, so sorry for forgetting, but I love the buttons you gave me, especially the Finding Nemo one. I wasn't expecting anything like that and it totally made me giddy. Thanks! ^_^
Now to celebrate fact that I don't have to worry about missing McGill this year by watching the tapes of "Firefly" Sarah gave me *is relieved and joyful* lika got crap done on Wednesday, June 2, 2004, 12:02 a.m.
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